I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
