I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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