I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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