is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
