he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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