I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
