do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
