Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
