Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Everclear isn't food dammit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize