She said her name was "party"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
