I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My liver just broke up with me...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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