how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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