life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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