Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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