I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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