Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I party with great urgency now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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