he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just pee around me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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