ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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