3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
