Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
