it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
