I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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