No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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