It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
