I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
