Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
