we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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