cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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