In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
