I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
