Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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