Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
