I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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