Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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