SEEEEXXX PLEASE
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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