Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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