Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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