i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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