THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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