woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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