remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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