All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
