Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
