nut hugger
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
