He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
