no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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