I think I died a long time ago.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
