I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize