just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
