i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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