Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
