Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize