there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
