and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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