Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
