plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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