Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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