Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
