all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
