I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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