Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
