haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
