Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
