He uses pillows to masturbate.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
