there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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