How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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