Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
