Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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