Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude i'm inner monologue high
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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