in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
