he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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