I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
