Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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