Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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