where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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