Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
