I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
