God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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