Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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