Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
