you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
