You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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